When Will People Notice?

May 3, 2010 @ 10:16 am

I mentioned a little while ago about the random trainer at the gym who noticed my weight loss efforts slowly paying off. Every time I've tried to lose weight there's been someone who noticed first, and it's always a curiosity to me who that person is, and who else may or may not notice and say something.

It's definitely noticeable to me, since my clothes are loser and my belt is running out of notches. And it's noticeable to the Beau, who see me and hugs me every day and can tell when his arms reach just a little bit further around. But what about our friends, many of whom only see us every two or three weeks?

People in New York often have trouble seeing past their own mirrors and noticing what goes on in the lives of the people around them. I don't know how far I'll have to go before anyone says "hey, have you lost some weight?" It's further than 20 pounds, because no one's said anything yet. Is it 30? 40? 50? The thing is, fat looks like fat, so I think I probably look pretty much the same to the casual observer. I still have a big hanging gut, I still have big clothes. Until I simply must get smaller clothes, it'll be tougher for people to casually notice, maybe.

I've thought about what it would be like to go into seclusion for six months and re-enter the world 50+ pounds lighter.

I've also thought about whether I even want people to notice my journey just yet. Even though I've come further than I ever have in the last three years of trying this, I could still relapse really easily and end up right back at 300+ pounds without batting an eye. I feel like if anyone notices I've lost weight, then they'll notice if I fail again, and that would feel worse. At least for now, I'm still just a fat guy.

So I honestly do not know if I want my friends to notice, or if they notice, to say anything. I don't like talking about my weight loss journey at all, anyway, so I'd prefer to not have to have it enter the general conversation of an evening. That said, having someone notice, and even say so in a passing offhanded comment, is a nice barometer of progress. So far it's just been the random trainer dude at the gym and then this past weekend RFID (Random Friendly Indian Dude) - another random patron of the gym - also noticed I was losing weight. So if random strangers notice and say something, I suppose that's good enough for now.

3 comments | Topics: community, encouragement, friends

The Fourth Great Attempt: Week 12

April 3, 2010 @ 01:54 pm

Well I was going to update over the last week with some various bits of news and a few thoughts on things, but ... I was busy. So I'll save some thoughts for future posts and relay the news right now:

I'm getting married!

The Beau and I have been together for 5 years and our anniversary was Thursday April 1. Well he had a half day off at work on Thursday (and a day off yesterday) so to enjoy the absolutely beautiful day, we went on a picnic in Central Park. After eating our food and chatting he pulled out a short story he wanted me to read. He's a writer, so I often read the things he's working on but I hadn't even heard that he was working on this so I figured it was a nice anniversary gift. By the end of the story, which had us as the main characters, his character had proposed to mine. When I'd finished, my boyfriend was proposing to me.

He's so sweet. Yesterday we went ring shopping and then to the gym together. Hehe.

The rest of the week was pretty good in the gym, not terrible food-wise.  Food is definitely my Achilles Heel in this process, it's really easy to eat all the wrong things, snack myself to fatness, and completely ignore a fridge-full of veggies and fruit and opt for any bread-based carbohydrate I can find. It's a good thing I didn't actually make bread last week.  But I'm not too broken up about it.

I feel good. The gym feels good. I feel like I'm pushing myself but I also feel like I'm always ready for more. We have some party-esque things this weekend where I am sure to eat bad stuff but I was in the gym today, I'll be in the gym tomorrow, and I'll do my best to eat right from Monday on. Then I promise I will finally weigh-in on Wednesday - the day before my birthday. eek!

2 comments | Topics: The Beau, encouragement, progress

The People Who Notice First

March 23, 2010 @ 04:41 pm

I had a really nice moment at the gym yesterday (the first day back in about 11 days due to work and vacation). First the back story -

I don't tell people I'm working on losing weight. I don't tell people I'm trying to eat healthy or make a big deal out of going to the gym every day. I simply do it and if anyone asks I talk about it as if I've always done it this way. :) I don't like to draw attention to myself and more importantly I don't like to draw attention to the fact I am fat ... not that I'm fooling anyone. I also don't want anyone to ever feel obligated to congratulate me on my progress only because they know I'm trying - if they notice and say I'm looking healthier, then that means it's legitimately being noticed.

So since I never talk about it I'm always amused by who notices first whenever I'm trying to live healthier. Or at least, who notices and is nice enough to say something.  When I first moved to NYC I put on some weight but soon started going to a gym and exercising. I didn't make a ton of progress but one morning at the office, before most people arrived it was just me and this one late middle aged lady from Accounting. I was settling in after getting back from the gym and she says "You're losing weight - You look good."  Awww!

Later after I started my blog and made a real commitment to healthy living I started drinking water like a fish.  A colleague says after a couple weeks "You look healthier - like a glow."  Yay hydration!

A year+ later, after I started Weight Watchers and made some good progress, I was fitting well in a shirt and the Beau and I went out to NJ to visit my dad and he and his now-wife says "You're looking thinner - keep it up."

This Week's Story

It's these little encouragements, completely out of the blue, that really help in this journey.  So that brings us to the story from yesterday. As I've said I've not been to the gym in a little while so I go back and have a good workout. As I'm wrapping it up and heading back downstairs to the locker room, one of the floor trainers looks over and says "How was vacation? ... You were gone for a while."

I was surprised. This guy was friendly with a lot of people but we'd never spoken. Neither I nor the Beau chat up the staff at the gym, but I guess he'd still managed to notice I'd been gone for a while. So I reply "Yeah we went to Florida - it was really nice."  And then out of the blue he says "You're losing - you're looking less. I can see it. Keep it up."

It was out of the blue, it was really nice, and it made me feel good. The cynic in me says maybe he was just saying something encouraging because that's his job as a floor trainer, but the fact that we've never talked before and he still noticed my absence is encourage on its own. So sometimes, all it takes is a good word out of the blue.

5 comments | Topics: encouragement, progress

The Fourth Great Attempt: Weeks 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10

March 23, 2010 @ 04:03 pm

I had a lot going on. I was busy. Traveling. On vacation. Nothing interesting to say. In a creative slump. Lots of client work. Bla bla bla.  All true reasons for my month+ long absence from my little home away from home, but alas, I hang my head in shame and beg forgiveness from the blogging gods. Whatever. I'm writing an update.

Now over the last few years when I disappear from my blog it's because I've fallen off the wagon. All the excuses above are really just me trying to cover up the fact that I wussed out and gave up.  Add on top of that my history with the Six Week Threshold - basically at about week 6 or 7 I always fall off the wagon. Always. I get tired, I don't see the progress I want, I get distracted by shiny objects and ice cream sandwiches, who knows. It just happens that way. Well, this time around, the fact that I wasn't blogging really was because I was busy - I didn't fall off the wagon, and I didn't give up. Oh sure I had my gaps and lapses, but let's review.

The Fourth Great Attempt: Week 6

Actually I was still blogging in Week 6. Week 6 is when I announced my new MyJeansFit.Me project. By the end of Week 6 I weighed in at 297 pounds - which is still on a plateau but since I royally bombed Week 5's fitness efforts while traveling, I saw it as reclaiming any ground lost while on the road. I may be at a plateau but at least I'm not creeping upwards - it's like a new set point for me. 10 Pounds down, 100 to go. But I'm 10 pounds down. This was the last time I weighed in for the following 5 weeks or so.

The Fourth Great Attempt: Week 7

So in Week 5 I traveled. I promised myself I would eat right and exercise while I the road; that I wouldn't fall into the traps of ordering too much room service and raiding the mini bar and drinking at the real bar until I couldn't see straight. I broke that promise big time, but Week 7 was my chance at vindication. Whereas I was only gone for a few days in Week 5, I was stuck in Dallas for all of Week 7.

I wasn't perfect. I drank a lot of red wine on some days. I didn't eat as well as I could have. But I consider the week a success. I went to the gym at the hotel ... and oh what a gym it was. I worked out really hard, actually, and it felt great! I ate breakfast every day like I ought. Traveling is always hard on the fitness routine because the food is rich and the time is limited, but I'm proud of myself ... it was the first time I've traveled and felt like my behavior patterns were really altered.

The Fourth Great Attempt: Week 8 & 9

So following my vacation I didn't give up. I kept going to the gym - I was working it into my daily routine. I was doing well. I was happy. Some of my food habits are faltering at this point but the fact that I'm pressing forward and pressing hard at the gym gives me the confidence to break through the Six Week Threshold, and I do. I travel again at the end of Week 8 - two very intensive days running a workshop in Washington DC. I don't eat as well as I should, and I don't make it to the fitness room, but it really was a super busy couple of days and some stuff was going on back in NY that I had to deal with emotionally. So I forgive myself and straightened out and got back on course the next day.

Week 9 was supposed to be a marathon. Vacation was coming and I thought I was going to have a bunch of projects to have to wrap before I left. It turned out to be pretty laid back, actually. I stuck with the gym. I ate well enough. I did good. I did not weigh myself.  Between two big travels and not feeling like I was doing well, I decided not to spoil what little momentum I was having with a bad weigh in. It's not about the number anyway. I want the behavioral change. So I don't weigh in. Vacation started Friday of Week 9.

The Fourth Great Attempt: Week 10 - Vacation week!

It has been ages since we took time off let alone a vacation. We cashed in some miles and points and stuff and headed off to Sunny Hot Florida. So it was cloudy and windy a lot, it was still supremely perfect. I wasn't totally confident, but I did feel okay sunning shirtless for small bits of time. I got a ton of reading done. We walked around parks for whole days and my feet didn't tire. It was wonderful.

I had planned to keep working out while on vacation, but that was kind of a bust. Frankly, the fitness room at the resort was uninspiring. And far away. I forgive myself the trespass :) Since it was a condo resort we did go grocery shopping and I still cooked most of our meals, which maintained some measure of healthy habits.

The Return I've come back and ready to get moving and grooving. I feel good, I feel refreshed. While we were getting ready to depart Florida I made an offhanded comment that either "this shirt is getting stretched out or it's getting bigger." The Beau laughed at me and said "or you're getting smaller, dummy." Well that's what I meant, but the point was I don't feel fat and bloated.

I may not have been blogging. I may not have been sticking super close to my goals and behaviors, but I pressed through the 6 Week Barrier and am still on the journey, now in its third month!

1 comment | Topics: The Beau, encouragement, evalutation, food and eating, shirtlessness, travel

Online Support System

January 15, 2010 @ 01:59 pm

So my last post was a downer. It's important to process those kinds of feelings and I reserve the right to whine and moan in copious quantities for months to come, but I didn't want to leave the day with that sitting at the top of my newly revitalized blog. Because, ew.

The fact is I do feel lonely in this journey. For a variety of reasons I don't share my journey with people I know in New York - I'll talk more about that later - and so I don't really have a weight loss buddy, work-out partner, or whatever. And that's fine, I'm a solo kind of person anyway (introvert = getting energy from "alone time"). But I do recognize the importance of community and support and over the last several days I've been getting my feet wet with a newfound extended network of people on Twitter.

Most of them don't know who I am and we've not talked, and that's okay, because just reading the tweets that have been coming across has been uplifting. These are some of the most thoughtful and committed weight loss bloggers I've gotten to read over the last few years of doing this. And though I've been kind of down since 2010 started, it's been a real encouragement to know there are nice people, out there, twittering and blogging their way down a similar road. So even if I never get to know them or chat with them and they're always an @ symbol with a screen name, they still have been helpful in getting back on my oh-so-broken horse.

So thanks. :)

(and most of them are linked on the home page, btw, so you can find cool new people too).

0 comments | Topics: community, encouragement, twitter